Part love letter, part love spell… Here is a little exercise you can do to love on a lonely heart.
(You may have noticed that you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely…)
If you could paint the picture of your ideal relationship, what would it look like? What are the features that are most important to you and most felt in their absence? In what ways are you most unfulfilled in love?
Let’s write the most powerful love letter you’ve ever written!
If you want to get the most out of this exercise, bookmark this article now, and don’t even read the rest of it until you’re in a quiet space with a half hour or so to yourself.
- 1 pen
- 4 sheets of paper
- a safe way to destroy some paper
Write a list of all that’s displeasing about your love-life.
(Examples: no good prospects / partner doesn’t communicate well / etc…)
Take your time. Fill the page. Complete this list before moving on to the next step.
Consider the Law of Opposites which states that for every top there is a bottom, for every left side there is a right side; and exercise your faith in the possibility that if the displeasing aspects of your love-life exist, then so do their opposites.
On a separate sheet of paper, write a list of all the OPPOSITE versions of the items on your first list.
(Examples: abundance of great prospects / found my perfect match / partner and I communicate wonderfully / etc…)
Complete this second list before moving onto the next step.
Destroy List 1.
Seriously. Don’t keep manifesting that junk. Burn it, shred it, flush it, whatever you need to do. (Please be safe about it.)
Once you’ve completed that, move onto the next step.
From the list of your IDEAL love-life features, craft a positive affirmation statement on a fresh sheet of paper.
(For example: “I’m so happy and grateful now that I’m in a loving romantic partnership…”)
After that is finalized, take the next step.
Consider for a moment that you have the capacity to satisfy your own needs…
Now, on a new sheet of paper, rewrite that affirmation statement without the 2nd party.
(For example: “I’m so happy and grateful now that I’m fulfilling the love I desire in my life…”)
When you are finished, give yourself a warm hug for showing up for yourself! You may then choose to carry out the next step. Or skip it. Up to you.
Toss that relational affirmation. You don’t NEED any particular other person as much as you need YOU.
(Still appreciate the romance you have if you’ve got one, though.)
Take a deep breath.
This process is incredibly cathartic. It will illuminate so elegantly what you truly need, and how you can begin to fulfill your needs from within.
The exercise is modified from one I did in a personal development course. When I first did it, my own Step 4 statement went something like this:
I’m so happy and grateful now that I am in a loving relationship, feeling admiration, adoration, and appreciation for each other. We delight in spending time together and making plans for our future together. We’re committed to supporting each other’s needs, and remaining grateful for one another. We communicate effectively, face challenges together, and honor our unique individualities.
But then I realized that I needed most of that from myself.
So then I added the Step 5 self-affirmation and mine became the following:
(Bear with the variations in perspective; I read somewhere that it makes for more effective affirmations to mix those up.)
I’m so thrilled to be in love with you, Mariya – feeling admiration, adoration, and appreciation for your nature. I delight in being her, and she’s gleefully emergineering a divine future of exploration, expansion, and connection. I am committed to supporting your needs, and remaining grateful for your being. You confidently express yourself, face challenges with zeal, and honor your unique individuality. I feel powerfully self-sufficient, and supremely loved.
After writing this love letter to myself, I instantly needed so much less from my mate, and was immediately able to appreciate so much more of what he does and who he is.
I went from feeling rather lonely and neglected, to feeling deeply loved in a way that only I could fulfill. Turns out – I was being rather neglectful to myself.
One of the most beautiful outcomes was that I became able to recognize my love for myself reflected in my love for my partner.
(Edit 3/1/19: Still in the same partnership, and I can easily confirm that my initial Step 4 affirmation statement, which I believe was originally drafted in our early stages in 2015, is now 100% true.)
(Updated March 19, 2021)