Here is a little exercise you can do to love on a lonely heart.
(Have you noticed that you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely?)
If you could paint the picture of your ideal relationship, what would it look like? What are the features that are most important to you, and that you are most aware of their absence? In what ways are you most unfulfilled?
Let’s write the most powerful love letter you’ve ever written!
>> Note: If you want to get the most out of this exercise, bookmark this article now, and don’t even read the rest of it until you’re in a quiet space with a half hour to yourself.
- 1 pen
- 4 sheets of paper
– – – – – –
Write a list of all that’s displeasing about your love-life.
(eg: no good prospects; partner doesn’t communicate effectively; etc…)
Take your time. Complete this list before moving on to the next step.
Consider the Law of Opposites which states that for every top there is a bottom, for every left side there is a right side; and exercise your faith in the possibility that if the displeasing aspects of your love-life exist, then so do their opposites.
On a separate sheet of paper, write a list of the opposite versions of the items on your first list.
(eg: abundance of great prospects / found my perfect match; partner and I communicate excellently / bravely and compassionately; etc…)
Complete this second list before moving on to the next step.
DESTROY LIST 1 – burn it or shred it.
(Seriously. Don’t keep manifesting that junk.)
Once you’ve completed that, move on to Step 4.
From the list of your ideal love-life features, craft a positive affirmation statement.
(eg: I’m so happy and grateful now that I’m in a loving romantic partnership…)
After that is finalized, take Step 5.
Consider for a moment that you have the capacity to satisfy your own needs…
Rewrite that affirmation statement without the 2nd party.
(eg: I’m so happy and grateful now that I’m fulfilling the love I desire in my life… See below for an example, if needed, but try to write it on your own.)
When you are finished, give yourself a warm hug for showing up for yourself! You may then choose to carry out Step 6.
Toss that first statement. You don’t need him/her – you need YOU.
(Still appreciate your romance, though.)
– – – – – –
This process is incredibly cathartic, and it will illuminate so elegantly what you truly need, and how you can begin to fulfill your needs from within.
This exercise is modified from one I did in a personal development course.
When I first did it, my own Step 4 statement went something like this –
I’m so happy and grateful now that I am in a loving relationship, feeling admiration, adoration, and appreciation for each other. We delight in spending time together and making plans for our future together. We are committed to supporting each other’s needs, and remaining grateful for one another. We communicate effectively, face challenges together, and honor our unique individualities.
But then I realized that I needed most of that from myself.
So then I added the Step 5 self-affirmation and mine became the following –
(Bear with the variations in perspective; I read somewhere that it makes for more effective affirmations to mix those up.)
I’m so thrilled to be in love with you, Mariya – feeling admiration, adoration, and appreciation for your nature. I delight in being her, and she’s gleefully emergineering a divine future of exploration, expansion, and connection. I am committed to supporting your needs, and remaining grateful for your being. You confidently express yourself, face challenges with zeal, and honor your unique individuality. I feel powerfully self-sufficient, and supremely loved.
I instantly needed so much less from my mate, and was immediately able to appreciate so much more of what he does and who he is. I went from feeling rather lonely and neglected, to feeling deeply loved in a way that only I could fulfill.
I am so grateful to recognize my love for myself reflected in my love for my partner.
(Edit 3/1/19: Still in the same partnership, and I can easily confirm that my initial Step 4 affirmation statement, which I believe was originally drafted in our early stages in 2015, is now 100% true.)