From Flimsy Fences and Spiked Walls… to Selective Gates
Instead of saying Yes too often or saying No too harshly… draw your boundaries around behaviors instead of people, and give them the keys to accessing you – through the gates that you’ve installed.
For recovering People-Pleasers, getting there is certainly easier said than done, and that’s why I’ve created The GATES Method™ – to support you in rooting your security within, so you can start saying No as easily as a joyful Yes – without sacrificing your compassion.
Here are the elements of The GATES Method™:
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1. Ground – in your body and your values.
Anchor yourself in your body and your values to discern between safe and unsafe discomfort, to feel into what’s aligned or misaligned for you, and to stay regulated.
>> “What’s most aligned with my values, goals, and limits right now?”
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2. Assess – your capacity and your True Yes.
Take an honest inventory of your finite resources of time, energy, attention, etc – and connect with what you’re truly a YES to, so you can say No from that more expansive energy.
>> “What am I actually available for and most interested in? What’s the Yes behind my No?”
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3. Trust – in the other’s ability to manage.
Honor the sovereignty of others, their ability to problem-solve (you are rarely anyone’s only option), and their capacity to recover from any disappointment in your No.
>> “I am not their only resource; they are capable of problem-solving; they can handle a No.”
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4. Express – your No without disconnecting.
Communicate about your boundaries with honesty, ownership, and compassion. (You can always follow a No with a Yes, or simply acknowledge their disappointment.)
>> “How can I own this boundary of mine? What might I offer instead?”
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5. Steward – your precious resources.
Uphold your boundaries consistently, so you’re able to show up resourced – for your own inner child and wellbeing, as well as the people and projects you care most about.
>> “What do I need to do in order to stay resourced for what matters most to me?”
Empower Your Compassion
…so it can become big enough for yourself as well as others – and install Selective Gates, so your boundaries can become healthier than ever!
If you would like support on your journey, please don’t hesitate to grab a spot on my calendar HERE – no charge, no strings; just validation and solutions.
Or for a bit of self-help, download my comprehensive, free guide to Boundaries That Feel Good HERE.
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Empower Your Team
If you would like to arrange a masterclass on this for your corporate team, so they can learn how to set strategic boundaries that support their wellbeing AND your growth goals, CLICK HERE to learn more.
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