How are you today?
Are you searching for a solution to a challenge in your love-life?
Well, I hope that you are well, and that you have a desire to enhance the key relationships in your life. In my opinion, relationships are the source of all meaning in our lives. For what is anything, if not in relation to something else?
Allow me to tell you a little more about myself, and if you feel a resonance with my perspective, I warmly invite you to reach out and connect with me :)
My name is Mariya, and I am on a mission to Explore, Expand, and Connect!
I love to explore – the planet, ideas, people…
I live to expand – horizons, awareness, vibrations…
I thrive to connect – with myself, with the Universe, with others…
Ultimately, I consider myself a Student of Love.
Since being introduced to personal growth at an early age, I have always been drawn to it. This ongoing pursuit has vastly enriched my life and continues to infuse it with ever greater love.
In the course of my life, and through my training and experience as a coach, I have amassed a wealth of personal development tools, and I have found relationships to be the most fertile ground for my own growth. I delight in sharing what I know and empowering others to discover their own inner guidance.
- One aspect of relationship that has become a beacon of resonance for a growing number of kindred souls is the compassionate approach I bring to the anxious-avoidant attachment dynamic. There is a common theme out there that “emotionally unavailable” (aka avoidant-attachment type) men are lost causes, and the women who find them alluring need to recognize their own worth and find an open-hearted mate who is worthy of their love. This implies that avoidant men are purely selfish and undeserving of love. I disagree on both counts. This also implies that it’s a simple matter for women (or anyone) to boost their self-worth, when it actually involves a dedicated practice of continually reprogramming deep psychological conditioning. Secure attachment types are unlikely to chase someone and are therefore unlikely to partner with an “avoidant” mate. Consequently, the women who do end up with avoidant men are likely to be anxious attachment types, which is another form of insecure attachment, and not so easily dismissed or “fixed”. Both insecure attachment types – anxious and avoidant – have early-life trauma that leaves them simultaneously desirous of love and scared of it. The only difference is how they deal with that fear when triggered. Anxious types grasp frantically for reassurance, and avoidants retreat or push away for their sense of safety. Insecure attachment types also tend to have a conditioned familiarity and subconscious comfort with “earning” love, and are therefore often attracted to each other because the avoidant subconsciously feels worthy when chased, and the anxious-type subconsciously feels satisfied by the sense of “working” to gain the love they desire. Love offered too freely does not feel real or trustworthy to either of them. When partnered, this dynamic often results in chain-reaction trigger-spirals that feel like riding a merry-go-round on a rollercoaster. It’s perfectly understandable that one would want off such a ride. It has been my observation, though, that until we fortify our security internally, we will continue to encounter that turbulent ride, whether with our current partner, or the next one. I see attachment types on a spectrum of insecure to secure, and I believe that, while those who did not develop a secure attachment style in their formative years are unlikely to become fully secure later in life, anyone can become MORE secure with a commitment to do so and loving guidance. It has been my experience that when one partner becomes more secure, they are calmer in the relationship, their counterpart feels safer, and the relationship itself becomes more stable and secure. We don’t have to abandon ourselves OR our partners. We all deserve love.
I offer Love Coaching as a means of providing empathetic support to fellow explorers. I serve via session-to-session coaching, or with structured programs. My greatest lessons to date have been compiled into three courses: The Path to Interdependence (on fortifying your internal security), The Language of Empowerment (on developing communication skills that allow for everyone’s needs to get met), and You & Me SYNERGY, (on creating collaboration instead of conflict out of interpersonal differences).
Take a look at those pages and let me know if you’d like to explore any of them! If you’re into DIY, I’ve published The Path to Interdependence as an e-book that you can work through on your own. And if you decide partway through that you’d like a hand, you can always reach out.
I have compiled the core elements of my perspective as Expansions, and I occasionally post fresh insights to Instagram and Facebook. You are more than welcome to follow any or all of those pages, and/or “friend” me on my personal Facebook page.
Reach out any time! I would be delighted to explore, expand, and connect with you :)
P.S. I created a Facebook group to serve as a supportive community for women who are committed to loving an “avoidant” man. If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out, and if it feels right, to join us! >> When the Loving gets Tough, the Tough get Loving.
P.P.S. I also facilitate another Facebook group called Mastering Interdependence (though it’s not highly active, and it has a more holistic perspective beyond just romantic relationships). You are certainly welcome to join me there, as well.