Security (a primer)

Security - a large sturdy tree with smaller plants around it, representing security and interdependence

What does it take to develop an internally-rooted sense of security?

Between the extremes of independence and codependence, achieving interdependence in relationships requires the combination of a secure sense of Self, and a connected sense of Oneness.

You can look to spirituality and even quantum physics to learn about the pervasive connection between all things, but a grounded sense of security, rooted within yourself, takes some introspection and personal refinement.

First, I’d like to emphasize that personal development is not about being a better You, but being You better. The idea is to be more truly yourself. The more rooted you become in yourself, the more security you will find from within, and the less you will rely on external sources of validation, which tend to come and go, and therefore bring about a sense of insecurity.

Three Pillars of Internal Security


Essential matters of reflection for your journey of distillation include:

  • Patterns that play out on repeat
  • Habits of seeking external validation
  • Facets of yourself that you’ve abandoned and denied, and ways you might reframe those assessments in a more loving manner
  • Fears around judgment

Further vital exercises include:

  • An honest assessment of your needs and values, and an exploration of their myriad paths to fulfillment
  • Letting go of expectations, and fostering a practice of acceptance that both expands and honors boundaries
  • Releasing attachment to strategies and outcomes, and embracing impermanence
  • Ending your battle with indecision by swearing a commitment to seek expansion amidst life’s challenges

And matters of fundamental importance include:

  • Ongoing cultivation of a robust support system
  • Routine evaluation of your underlying beliefs
  • Regular maintenance of balance among life’s core aspects
  • Continual infusion of gratitude for your experiences, and faith in your journey


In all interactions, when expansive growth is your goal, you cannot fail. And when compassionate authenticity is your default mode, you will discover the depths of intimacy and the richness of interdependence.

Follow the the links to Shadow, Affirmation, and Balance for a more detailed exploration of each pillar.

(Updated January 5, 2022.)

Published by lovecoachmariya

Empowering compassion and nurturing self-love, I offer support to women on their journey of becoming secure in love and shifting from push & pull to peace of mind.